Hmm, never been in a date, so the depiction of a date I would love to do is mostly affected by any drama scenes haha.
I would love to watch a badminton tournament. This should have nothing to do with a date, but still I want to watch a tournament with the one I love. I don't mind watching any sports' match by the way hehe. I can enjoy the game even though I don't understand basketball's rules hehe.
And of course, I would looove to go to the amusement park. I want to ride the most extreme one hehe. (I had, when I went to dufan. Of course I rode tornado and hysteria). I don't know whether I am a masochist or what, but I enjoy riding the extreme ride. The sensation of flying, my body feels light.
I want to have a walk on my date. Just enjoying the view and have a talk alongside the journey. Any talks can do. I think the excitement of being in any relationship comes from the ability to talks about everything. We don't have to be afraid being judge, because even when we do, we know that we can overcome it. Nothing happier than that, except for going to heaven.
I know these depictions are focused on myself, because why not? I don't even have a spouse yet hehe.
Ketika nonton 18 Again, banyak hal yang membuat deg diri ini. Episode pertama aja langsung membuat termenung. Iya ya, apa yang ayah dan ibu korbankan ketika harus 'memiliki' aku.
Well, dengan sekian cerita selama proses kelahiran dan sekian operasi setelahnya, tentu saja keputusan 'mengasuh' aku bukanlah hal mudah. Bayangkan, saat itu ayah baru saja lulus sarjana, masih mengontrak, tidak punya banyak tabungan, dan boom! Anaknya lahir prematur, keracunan ketuban, dan dalam kondisi labiognatopalatoschizis.
Menonton 18 Again membawaku kembali pada kesadaran, "ah, tentu saja aku adalah anak durhaka yang masih saja belum bisa membahagiakan orangtuanya". Kasih sayang orangtua yang kadang terasa biasa saja dan terlalu wajar karena dijumpai setiap hari. Sure, I take them for granted. Unaware that it all can be taken anytime.
Aku termasuk orang yang cukup menyukai anak-anak, atau setidaknya aku cukup penyayang terhadap adik-adikku, keponakan-keponakanku. Walaupun tentu tidak setiap waktu aku mampu memenangkan hati mereka. Tapi, menyukai anak kecil dan ingin menjadi seorang ibu adalah dua hal yang berbeda.
Saat ini aku tumbuh melihat perkembangan kakakku yang sedemikian rupa sejak masih anak ingusan sampai detik ini ia memiliki 2 jagoan. And I am afraid I can't be as good as her as a mom.
Semakin aku menyadari betapa buruknya perlakuanku pada orangtuaku, semakin aku khawatir apakah aku sendiri sanggup menjadi orangtua. I'm afraid being hurt or even hurt my childs due to unable to control myself.
Hal lain yang sangat berkesan dari 18 Again adalah ketika Hong Dae Yong menyadari bahwa ia pada akhirnya menjadi sosok ayah yang ia benci. Ia melihat bayangan ayahnya pada dirinya sendiri ketika telah menjadi ayah.
Dan ya, aku khawatir aku pun akan mengalami hal yang sama. Sekaligus menyadari bahwa hal-hal yang aku lihat ada pada orangtuaku, mungkin pada dasarnya memang berawal dari rasa khawatir akan diriku. Ah, tentu saja, aku juga merasakannya saat ini kalau memikirkan masa depan keponakan-keponakanku. Dan belum terbayangkan bagaimana rasanya kelak ketika aku memikirkan masa depan anak-anakku nanti.
Oke oke, selalu saja berpikir terlalu jauh haha. Semoga bisa menjadi anak yang lebih berbakti setiap harinya, dan semoga mampu menjadi orangtua yang baik, kelak jika diqadar memiliki anak.
I've ever been to Singapore, went to Malaysia, and always want to go to Japan. But as long as I took a breathe, if I wonder "the furthest away" I've ever been, there's only one place popped in my head.
It was on October 2019, when I went rock climbing (real venue). It was a remarkable day. Rock climbing please! There was a time when my legs trembling when I took indoor rock climbing at Trans Studio haha. But I managed to even reached the half peak, for about 400m. Wow. Such an amazing experience!
In the midst of October, I was just so bored. No fun activities, nor companion. My friends just have their own plans. I always want to do extreme activities, but my friends don't dare to accompany me. Luckily, one of my friends told me about Via Ferrata. It was wednesday when she told me that. I was spontaneously calling the open trip agency, and booked one seat for that weekend! Haha
Not only booked spontaneously, I also kept it secret from my parents since I thought they wouldn't permit me to participate. I just texted them when I went back to Jakarta. Well, that was also part of that day which gave me adrenaline rush hehe.
It was officially my first open trip, 'alone'. I met a fully stranger whole day, did an amazing activity, and yes, I wanted to redo it haha.
During the climbing, we were so supportive each other. Well, who wouldn't? We climbed at the pace we all could handle. Yeah, we didn't have to be rush, right? Enjoying the moment, the view, etc. We even had a cup of tea, at some point before our peak destination. Nowadays, even I am amazed of myself, how come I didn't fear whether the bar would break during my climbing? Haha. I was just so in confusion that I had to calm myself through some extreme activity haha.
The climbing is such an easy one, compared to when I had to do rappeling to go downside! I didn't know how other people did, but mine was so scary. The rope was not balanced due to me being nervous, and somehow (I don't know exactly how and why) my body was rotated. It was so scary to look down, too high! For that seconds, I could only ask Allah, I hope He will give me more time to live, because I was sure I would go to hell if I died that moment. I didn't ask for permission to my parent! Fortunately, the rescue team was such a professional that I could go down safely. Fyuh!
After such a horrible down-the-mountain moment, my group had a nice talk, while having a lunch (at around 3 pm haha) before we went back to Jakarta. They were fully stranger, but I could learn to socialize with people. Well, since I know we wouldn't cross path frequently, I could express myself freely, didn't fear being criticized. Such a funny day. We talked about travelling a lot. About any trip they have ever had.
There was a mom who loves to travel, and she had gone to many many places. The first thing I thought was, "Wow, I should save a lot of money, but I don't think my dad will permit me" haha. It is not like I hate my dad. It is just normal if my father doesn't permit me. Who will? Permit your daughter to do extreme activities, alone? Well, I myself maybe won't allow my daughter to do so.
My parents was shock enough knowing I went rock climbing haha. Your daughter was "kecil-kecil caberawit" after all hehe. This rock climbing was also a substitute for my absent in ITB ultra marathon. In 2018, I ran 10km in Puncak.
In this 2020, I was preparing for paralayang. I am always 'nagging' my workmates, demanding them to accompany me for paralayang haha. But due to corona, my plan was in vain haha. I still follow the open trip account for this paralayang, hope I can do paralayang soon!
Do do si do si do
Si si la si si
Re re si re re
Do do la do si
Mi fa fa re mi fa fa mi mi
Si si la si si
Re re si re re
Do do la do si
...
Mi fa fa re mi fa fa mi mi
...
Mi mi re si re mi re do
La do mi mi re si re mi re do
Mi mi re si re mi re do
La do mi mi re si re mi re do
...
Mi re do mi fa fa re mi fa fa mi mi
La do la si re mi la la do la
Si si re si sel sel si sel fa la fa sol si sol
Mi re do mi fa fa re mi fa fa mi mi
La do la si re mi la la do la
Si si re si sel sel si sel fa la fa sol si sol
***
Random banget keinget penampilan pertama di KPA 3. Segalanya serba pertama. Pertama kali denger dan belajar lagu TIRO, pertama kali pake high heels, pertama kali main angklung, pegang 3 angklung. Deg degan jalan di Aula Barat, takut jatoh haha. Inget banget dulu diconducter-in sama Teh Donat.
Kangen main angklung...
Pertemuan tiga sisi
Tempat cecak memadu kasih
Saling menyapa dan mencumbu
Hanya ada cinta dan naluri
Saat itu ia membahagiakan
Pertemuan tiga sisi
Tanpa cahaya, hanya ada gulita
Penuh misteri dan jeritan
Suaranya tertawa ringkih ringkih
Saat itu ia menakutkan
Pertemuan tiga sisi
Sudut sudut yang tercemar
Menggigil saat hujan datang
Dan tak lupa meninggalkan jejak
Saat itu ia menjijikan
Pertemuan tiga sisi
Tempat canda dan tawa berkumpul
Ketika takut dibuntuti oleh obsesi
Ada dua mata memberi cinta
Saat itu, apa yang terasa?
Kenapa ya ada yang namanya writer's block? Rasanya bingung sendiri. Aku 'hanya' ingin menulis. Mencoba mencurahkan apa yang kurasa. Tapi juga tak tahu apa yang kurasa. Alhasil bingung apa yang perlu diceritakan. Aku tak tahu kenapa aku bingung. Aku tak tahu sebenarnya apa yang kurasakan.
Wah, memahami diri sendiri saja sudah sekompleks ini ya?
Lantas aku mencoba menjelajahi tulisan-tulisanku terdahulu. Yah, bagaimana pun aku mengagumi diriku sendiri yang mampu menemukan diksi yang cukup pas di masa lampau. Well, I am a good writer. Setidaknya ada yang terhibur dengan tulisanku haha.
Kenapa aku tak menemukannya saat ini? Di manakah kamu wahai para ide?
Aku mencoba menemukan momentum agar jiwa menulisku terpanggil lagi. Mencoba menemukan challenge yang berserakan di mesin pencari. Well, I am lost. Aku tak tahu. Tak ada yang menarik. Entah karena terlalu privasi atau pun terlalu menantang sampai-sampai merasa tak sanggup.
Emang banyak maunya ya!
Iya, gimana dong? Ingin menulis. Ingin menemukan diksi. Tapi hidupku justru lagi kehabisan bensin sampai-sampai nggak ada ide. Mengambang tidak jelas tak tentu arah.
Padahal biasanya menulis adalah jalan ninjaku. Caraku untuk self healing. Tapi, saat sedang rungsing begini pun, betul-betul tidak ada ide. Tak tahu apa yang perlu ditumpahkan. Self healing yang sudah tak mempan kah? Apakah ini pertanda bahwa aku sudah sangat lelah?
Entah ...